


the thing about water droplets and ruffled hair

by que_mint_tea



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Dekesy, F/M, Mutual Masturbation, Smut, come (lol) to think of it- is this even smut?, deke shaw x daisy, deke x daisy, deke x daisy smut, dekesy smut, good luck, i will make you laugh but also cry, oh and obviously consentual, update: chapter 2 is up now and it is no longer angsty, very angsty smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-20
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:55:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27112252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/que_mint_tea/pseuds/que_mint_tea
Summary: He wasn’t hers and she wasn’t his.And she didn’t want him to be...So then why were there tingles running up her spine and tickling the tips of her fingers? Why did a subtle burn creep onto her cheeks and her neck now as she shut the door of her bunk? This was all wrong..In which Daisy Johnson catches Deke Shaw wearing notably less than she'd prefer and has absolutely zero trouble not thinking about it at all.Really.
Relationships: Deke Shaw & Skye | Daisy Johnson, Deke Shaw/Skye | Daisy Johnson
Comments: 12
Kudos: 19
Collections: fill the daisy/deke tag with actual content 2020





	1. the thing about water droplets and ruffled hair

**Author's Note:**

> This is set... yeah. I will just leave it at that. 
> 
> (Like post S5-ish? not sure but it doesn't really matter i don't think.. )

Daisy was tired.

Tired and _incredibly_ frustrated. 

And it had everything to do with it being almost midnight and _nothing_ to do with the fact that their mission went sideways after Deke tried to tackle someone twice his size and got stabbed in the process. Oh, yeah, and _absolutely nothing_ to do with the fact that he kept asking her if _she_ was okay about three million times after the mission despite being the one literally leaking blood. And what’s worse is she didn’t even know why it made her so angry- that he seemed to want to make sure she is always okay, that he seemed to _care_ . Maybe because she didn't want it. That had to be it- she didn't _want_ to be cared for like she was somehow fragile and it made her insides boil and her temples pound and her veins quiver under her skin. She’d quake him into a wall. She really would. That selfless _idiot_. 

What she needed was a cold shower, Daisy concluded . Maybe that would soothe her nerves, because even the three-hour-long sparring match with Piper didn’t seem to help. She'd turn on the water and let it wash away her anger and this unrelenting burning in her chest and in her cheeks. She'd let it soothe her sore muscles and run over the bruises and cuts that never seemed to heal. She'd—

“Hey!” came a furious cry more than anything as Daisy practically flung open the shower-room door in all her frustration, “Have you heard there’s this thing called _privacy_ because it—... ” 

Daisy’s eyes landed on Deke. He stopped dead in his tracks as he turned to face her- a towel wrapped neatly around his lower body, slick upper muscles now on full display as small water droplets rolled down his forearms and chest and… abs? Deke Shaw had abs. Small and scrawny and _frustratingly_ embarrassing Deke Shaw. Daisy couldn’t help but draw in a sharp breath in surprise- awkward and loud in the thick silence that had settled over the small room. She should leave. She should turn on her heels and go. Because this was inappropriate and Deke was topless and he had abs. 

But she didn’t. 

Instead she fixed on his hair-ruffled and messy and dripping- and her gaze couldn't help but follow the beads of water travelling down his neck, rolling down the contours of his chest, down the lines of his stomach all warm and glistening.. Instead she took a step closer- as if caught in some trance, as if nothing else mattered, as if she _could…_

Nothing but the sound of their breathing filled the still space now, as she finally lifted her eyes to meet his. She swears she caught them sparkle in fresh amusement— or maybe it was hope. Time was a useless blur along with everything around them as they stood there, just like this, eyes glued to other's. Deke parted his lips in an attempt to say something— _anything_ \- maybe make a joke or quip or something embarrassing and so _Deke_. But his words caught in his throat. Daisy Johnson was looking at him- _really_ looking at him- and so what if it left him slack-jawed and his breathing shaky, his heart racing and heat rushing south.. He’d be lying if he wasn’t flattered- hell, more like completely taken aback. Because despite her I-can’t-stand-you facade and very upfront declarations of wanting to “quake him into a wall” from time to time- she lingered. She stayed- their gazes unwavering- and curse him for having hope all you will but this meant that Daisy felt, well.. _something_ for him that wasn’t complete and utter hate.

Daisy swallowed attempting to soothe the dryness in her mouth and cleared her throat. She should so, _so_ leave.

“Maybe remember to lock the door next time..” She spoke in a snarky tone, dodging for the exit, “You know, _before_ you yell at someone about privacy.”

And then she was gone.

***

Daisy’s mind raced as she sped through the corridors of the quiet base back to her bunk. _Fuck_ Deke Shaw and his stupid gorgeous body and the _stupid_ surprised look on his face as she looked at him- all parted lips and puppy-eyes, as if he couldn’t believe it was real. And _fuck_ her too for not looking away, for letting the moment linger longer than it should have— hell, it never should have happened _at all._ If only he'd just locked the damn door. Maybe then Daisy would have never seen this and her mind could think coherent thoughts that were not about water droplets gliding down silky skin and the butterflies in her stomach. Because the truth was- her and Deke? They weren't anything. Just colleagues, fellow agents- she wouldn't even go as far as friends because she knew he'd never let that go and that would be _annoying_. And so she wouldn’t think of him as more.

Because he wasn’t hers and she wasn’t his.

And she didn’t _want_ him to be. 

...But then why did a subtle burn creep onto her cheeks and her neck now as she shut the door of her bunk? Why were there tingles running up her spine and to the tips of her fingers? Why was she so suddenly aware of just how thick and suffocating and _hot_ she was in her clothes, how desperately she wanted to shrug them off and toss them onto the floor and..

Daisy shouldn’t want this, shouldn't want _him_. And she _can’t_ \- not when he's so awkward and smug and always trying to get her attention, always trying to comfort her when she didn't even ask him to (despite how badly she craved it deep inside). She couldn't want him because the last time she'd wanted someone and let herself have the freedom of leaping off the unbearable walls she had crafted around herself after Ward, the last time she let herself plunge into the depths of her heart, let herself fall for him, fall _in love_ with him- he ended up lifeless in the depths of space. He'd sacrificed his life for her, for the world, and left a gaping hole right in the centre of her chest- all bloody and raw and cracking her open like her body was nothing but glass... And Daisy would never cease aching. But there was something calming about it- because the pain lingered, it stayed never to be shrugged off, never ceasing, permanently part of her life like he couldn't be. And she'd let it embrace her- this unbearable stinging under her skin- she'd let it take over her body and her mind because at least in this way, at least through this she could feel like she still belonged to him, and he to her. At least in this way she could feel something _at all_.

But not tonight.

Tonight there was nothing stinging under her skin. Instead, it seemed to be buzzing with sparks she'd long-forgotten even existed.

Daisy hated Deke. And what she hated more was that he could make her feel this way- all hot cheeks and tingling in places she really shouldn't be- because he was annoying and awkward and this was wrong and she _shouldn't_ want him.

But she couldn't help it anyway.

Daisy slipped off her workout clothes and pulled on an oversized t-shirt sitting herself on her bed. She debated going to sleep but let that thought go as soon as she realised the only thing she saw when she closed her eyes was... Daisy squirmed uncomfortably under the thick covers, thighs clenching together involuntarily. _Fuck_ Deke Shaw. Funny how, as if by chance, their bunks were right next door. Some _stupid_ fucking twist of fate, this was. That he'd be right on the other side sleeping peacefully while she had to deal with.. well, _this_. Stupid fucking water droplets and abs. Stupid fucking Deke Shaw invading her thoughts as she lay tossing and turning and _hot_. 

Okay.

Alright.

_Fine._

Daisy couldn’t stop herself, couldn’t stop her mind, the heat between her legs, her craving fingertips.. Fine. _Fine—_ but she wouldn't think about him or his stupid body or how ridiculously _awkward_ he was. She wouldn't think about water droplets or ruffled hair. She'd just think about her, and about this. Daisy sat up and gently slid her hand under her shirt to touch her breasts- tweaking and teasing- then finally rested her head against the cool wall with a soft thud and dipped her fingers down to touch herself... She couldn't even begin to suppress the gentle moan that escaped her then, followed by a breathless “ _Fuck.. "._ and eyes fluttered shut as waves of pleasure washed over her...

***

Deke couldn’t sleep.

Not after that.

Not _ever_ after Daisy had caught him topless and dripping wet in the shower room.

He'd come back to his bunk soon after Daisy practically sprinted out and couldn't even bring himself to get into his boxers or the new lemon pyjamas he'd ordered through Amazon (the benefits of the 21st century truly were endless...) So he plopped onto his bed still in his bathrobe and fixed his eyes to the ceiling trying desperately to stop the avalanche of thought's and 'what if's plummeting through his mind. She hated him- he knew that much- and come to think of it, who didn't? But she could have turned around and left the second she saw him, she _should_ have in her typical Daisy fashion- but instead she lingered. Deke knew he was an over-thinker, but he'd be lying if this wasn't a sign somewhere deep down there was a crumb of Daisy Johnson that couldn't tear her eyes away from him- and that's all he needed for the tingles to come rushing through his veins and for his cheeks to heat up. He felt so stupid like this- like some schoolboy with a big secret crush all giddy and smiling just because she'd _looked_ at him. Maybe he'd made it all up...

That’s when he heard it.

_“Fuck..”_ small and silent from the other side of the wall. The other side of the wall where Daisy’s room was. Worry shot through him, sharp and jolting as he sat himself up to press his ear to the wall- was she okay? Deke almost choked at what he heard next- a pleading whimper, the softest sound he’d ever heard- tickling the low of his stomach and the corners of his soul with it. Then another one- louder this time, and he couldn’t help the shiver running up his spine.

Daisy was moaning. 

That must mean she's...

He shouldn’t be doing this. He shouldn’t be listening to her. He had no right to and it waswrong, and Deke would _never_ do that to her- invade her privacy like that. He scrambled to get off his bed and sat on the edge blindly searching for his socks on the floor. Hell- maybe she wasn’t even.. Maybe she was with someone else. Who was he kidding? _Of course_ she was with someone else, she had to be. Maybe someone she actually _liked_ , someone strong and handsome and—

“ _Deke_.. ”

He froze.

His throat ran dry and blood stilled in his veins

She said his name.

Moaned it, to be exact. She _moaned_ his name while she.. Deke’s breath caught in his throat.

No way he’d heard it right, this had to be his imagination playing tricks on him- his _stupid_ messed up mind because of how badly he wanted this, how deeply he craved her.. He should go. 

“ _F-fuck_ Deke..” Came Daisy’s voice almost in a growl with a sharp bang to the wall, then a keening sound- loud and unapologetic and _hot_.

And Deke's mind went blank.

So he hadn’t made it up then- he’d really heard it, hear her whimper his name in a helpless plea against the thick wall. There really _was_ no one else there with her- touching her, exploring her skin, making her fall apart- no one but..

_Him._

She was thinking of _him_ as she touched herself.

Or maybe she was touching herself _because_ of him. Because she'd seen him- all glistening and fresh after his shower- and the sight had somehow engraved itself into her brain, had made her skin tingle and her breath hitch and her eyes glue themselves to his figure unable to tear away even in her thoughts. But even if she was thinking of him, even if seeing him did this to her- that gave him no right linger, no right to listen. The only way he'd ever have her (hell, and wasn't that the dumbest thought?), is if she was completely on board because that's what makes it beautiful, and that's what makes it meaningful. Not this. Not him behind a wall invading to something so private and intimate. Never this.

_Fuck_ the socks. He didn't even need shoes- Deke's hands trembled slightly and he scrambled off the bed and stumbled through the darkness of the bunk to find the door. He shouldn't have even lingered, he should have left right away, how _dare_ he even—

But his hand caught something solid and suddenly it was slipping from his grip and he couldn't even see where anything was and—

_Crash._

Fuck.

_Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck—_

"D..Deke?"

She heard him. Or rather the absolutely ear-shatteringly loud crash of.. _something_ that he'd hit by accident. And now she knew he was there. God why did he have to do all the wrong things at all the wrong times? Why couldn't he just be... Maybe if he stayed still, maybe if he didn't say anything she'd think it was.. _wind_ , or something. Maybe she'd forget it happened at all—

"Deke I.. kinda know you're there.." Came her voice from the other side of the wall, then she was silent for a moment listening to see if he would answer, but Deke stayed silent. " _Really_ subtle with the whole loud crashing.."

Deke cleared his throat,

"I..Daisy it's I-I know what you think and..-but promise I wasn't.. I was _just_ leaving a—"

"I know."

He stilled,

"..You.. you know? _"_

Daisy hated Deke, but she knew this was a line he wouldn't cross,

"You're a pain in my ass so, take this with a _truckload_ of hate and maybe a punch in the face but- I um.. I trust you, or whatever."

Deke choked out a surprised breath- she _trusted_ him.

"Oh..huh um yeah that's.. You trust me- that's like totally not something that I will never stop thinking about, like _ever,_ but it's all good.." He couldn't help his cheeks heating up in embarrassment, "Frick y-you probably— I'm gonna go now."

And maybe it was the fact that he was right there, right behind the wall and her body was coated in fresh yearning and just knowing he was on the other side made her hips rock craving contact, or maybe it was because he _actually_ used 'frick' un-ironically as a swearword- but Daisy couldn't help it..

" _Wait_." Her voice was firm as she lifted her head to the ceiling trying to gather the right words, Deke stilled on the other side. "You don't..you don't have to go.." Daisy wanted to slam her head against the wall. Repeatedly. For how awkward and wrong this was- but she couldn't help it, not with the heat surging through her.

" ..Uh.. are y—" 

" _Please_." Was all Daisy could make out. Deke's voice had been so quiet, uncertain if he'd even heard her right and it made something clench in Daisy's chest. She didn't want to think of meanings and repercussions and what-not, not now. She couldn't deal with him- all gentle and kind and... This was gonna kill her and she needed to change the game. "What, are you gonna pretend hearing me did _nothing_ to you?"

Deke didn't want to look down because the truth was she was right, so instead he squirmed uncomfortably under his bathrobe and tried to focus his attention on the voice behind the wall. But Daisy was Daisy and right now she was frustrated and hot and didn't give a _fuck_.

"Because uh.. I could do it again you know." She teased, Deke swallowed.

And despite the tremble in her fingers she let them gently run over her folds and let out a long, soft moan. Deke had to grip the side of the bed to hold himself steady, a shaky breath escaping him. Daisy hoped that it worked- that he would follow her lead- because despite the absolute mess that was this pathetic little picture of two people desperate for something neither could have, despite being so tantalisingly far away- it would make her feel less alone to hear him, to _know_ she was doing this to him as well.

And she was right.

_Fuck it_ \- was all that echoed through Deke's mind. They didn't ever have to look each other in the eye again. And they probably wouldn't. But tonight they burned for each other and that's all that mattered. Another breathless moan seeped through the wall and Deke couldn't take it anymore- if she had the right to do this, then why couldn’t he? Especially when she was inviting him to.. Deke untied his bathrobe and let his hand trail down his chest, down his stomach, and finally to where he desperately needed it letting a soft grunt escape his lips as he traced his length with his palm..

Daisy’s fingers halted on her clit. She was sure she heard it, heard _him_ and her mind betrayed her again with images of water droplets and ruffled hair. So she let out a frustrated chuckle,

“You just couldn’t lock the fucking door, could you?” She quipped to stop herself from getting carried away in her thoughts,

“Well technically I guess I.. could have but, thinking about it now that would have kind of been a lot less interesting than whatever's happening now so..” Deke replied in a rush, "Speaking of um... what _is_ 'whatever's happening now'? I-I mean not like what we're _doing_ \- because I'm pretty sure this is like.. y'know 'The ol' Devil's Tango' but.. if it was socially distanced or something—"

"Deke—"

"W-what I mean is.. what does it mean for.. y'know 'us'?"

" _Don't."_ Daisy voice was sharp, something cool and bitter beneath her words, "Don't think about it or-or what it means or-just .. _please..?"_ She slipped up, and Deke nodded even knowing she couldn't see him.

If this was the only way he could have her- in soft noises coming from her side of the wall, in whimpers of his name on her lips- then he’d take it. 

He’d take anything from her. 

"Okay." Deke rested his forehead against the wall unaware, of course, that hers was right on the other side. Funny how they'd be touching if not for the thick, cool concrete.. "Yeah okay.."

And Daisy shut her eyes again dipping down to slide a finger inside and finally relaxed into her own touch. On the other side Deke licked his palm and slid it more roughly along his length, hips thrusting forward involuntarily- she'd made him a mess, just from this, and he wanted it _so bad._ To hear her moan again and again until she was writhing and desperate for him, until she was falling over the edge. It was selfish, really. That he craved to hear her say his name again because somehow, some way- coming from her lips it sounded like the sweetest thing he'd ever heard. Deke lifted a hand to tweak his nipple imagining her mouth on him- merciless and teasing. He'd let her bite him anywhere she wanted to- his mind wondered as his hands scraped at his own neck and chest- he'd let her nip and tug at his skin just like this, he'd hiss at the pain but secretly hope it might leave a mark, that the sting might linger long after they're done, linger forever.. Funny how when he shut his eyes it almost felt like she was right there, right in the room with him. And he couldn't help the noises that escaped him at the thought..

" _Fuck_ Daisy.." He gasped.

She clenched around her fingers involuntarily, a warm shudder passing through her hearing his voice in a low groan. Something about the way he said her name, about the way he _cursed_ because of her left Daisy intoxicated, wondering what it would feel like to have him inside her.. She imagined he'd be so gentle- almost scared- and it made her chest flutter in the strangest way. She could almost feel the way he'd trace her face with his thumbs, trace her body with his eyes- devouring the view all pink-cheeked and hot. And she'd let him. She'd let him explore her with his fingers and his lips, she'd let him taste her with his tongue, know all of her. Because the truth was she _wanted_ to be known. But then there was that dull stinging under her skin reminding her of what she'd lost, of _who_ she'd lost, and to who a part of her would forever belong.. How _dare_ she—

Deke couldn't hear her anymore, something was wrong. He needed to fix this, to mend it somehow (as if this depressing little image wasn't beyond fixing already) because the unceasing throbbing of him in his hand was almost painful, because he _needed_ her, because he felt like he might cry. He searched desperately for something to take them back to anything akin to playful banter or annoying quips or I-hate-you facades.

“So, you know.. just out of curiosity- was it the abs or the biceps that did it for you..? ” Deke mustered up enough fake confidence to ask, his best try at seductive,

“ _Fuck_ you.” was all Daisy could mutter amidst the heavy breathing with another flick to her clit.

At that, Deke let out a pained chuckle. Because she _could,_ couldn’t she? She could step into his room and fuck him, burst through the door and take him just like this— _hell_ , quake his wall down if she wanted to. Bring down this stupid cold concrete and all the boundaries left between them, leave them both raw and vulnerable and maybe a little terrified because this wasn't how this was supposed to go, but also leave them bare and finally free to touch, to explore, to _love_...

But she didn’t.

Daisy didn’t want him. Not like that.

And who _would_ \- after everything he’d done? After he sold her to Kasius, after all he was frustrating and annoying and a _mess_. After not even his own grandfather (as messed up as time-travel was) could tolerate his near proximity, not after his Nana was left embarrassed by every little thing he said because despite being a descendant of two astrophysical-biomedical-genius-engineer-inventors- all he was was a fraud and a thief. Who would want him when he so clearly didn't belong? ... and who would when he couldn't even like himself?

"F-fuck Deke.. _please_.." Daisy let out a pleading whimper digging her fingernails into the smooth wall as her fingers fucked her deeper- she was _so_ close..

Deke felt like everything was blurring.

_'Please'?_ Had she really just said that? As if he could do anything about it, as if she'd ever _let_ him, as if he could give her anything except another encouraging groan or rest his hand against the wall hoping she'd somehow feel the heat seeping through his palm... Another breathless moan. Deke felt sick. Because that’s the only way she’d want him, wasn't it? Whimpering and desperate behind a thick wall. She didn’t want to see his face, she didn’t want to see his body, she didn’t want to trace the lines of his stomach and kiss his neck and watch the way it made his eyes flutter shut.

Just a sound.

That’s all he was to her.

A helpless moan from the other side- an encouragement, fuel to her fantasy as she brought herself closer and closer to the edge. _Hell—_ maybe she’d been imagining someone else all along. Someone strong and handsome, someone whose big hands could caress her, hold her, explore her body in any way they craved- not awkward and trembling like his were with every broken stroke on himself, with every breath he drew in.. Maybe she was imagining someone confident and charismatic, someone who he tried so hard to be but always fell short, someone who was a _hero_ and not weak and so so small in the thick darkness of the bunk like he was now.. Someone who didn’t say all the wrong things at all the wrong times. Just someone— _anyone_. But not him.

“M’ close... _so_ close..” came Daisy’s voice in a mumble from the other side of the wall.

”Me too.” Deke lied with a hiss as he traced the tip of his cock and then continued with rough short strokes- wincing at the almost painful speed. Maybe if he just shut his eyes again, maybe if he just didn't think about the absolute mess this was- the absolute mess _he_ was... God he wanted her _so bad_ but she was so far away.. Why couldn't he touch her? Why wouldn't she _let_ him?

But as thick pleasure coiled tightly in the low of their stomachs bringing them unbearably closer, as they crossed the tantalising distance and lingered on the edge, as her fingers trembled with the harshness of her speed, as he let out a needy groan growing impossibly harder in his hand, as her vision went blank and strings of breathless moans escaped her lips, as his hips jerked involuntarily at his own touch and neither could bare it anymore _..._

Neither fell.

Neither came tumbling over the edge with a bang on the wall or a cry of the other’s name on their lips, with pleasure washing over their senses.

Neither _could_.

Not with this _stupid_ thick wall in between them, not without the other's touch, without the other's mouth- hungry and hot and _there_. Not when they were so close but so far away and so inexplicably _lonely_.

Deke wanted to cry. 

“Come over.” came his voice- trembling and small from the other side of the wall, a question more than anything. “Come over, Daisy, _please_ I..” want you _, need_ you- he couldn’t dare to add.

There it was again- that familiar stinging under Daisy's skin, embracing her, reminding her of who she was and what she'd done and who had suffered as a consequence. It was her fault, really, it would always be her fault... How could she think she could have this? How could she _want_ this? Not when she was still aching for _him,_ when parts of her still belonged to that selfless vigilante who'd wrecked himself saving the world.. Bitter guilt bubbled up in the pit of her stomach- scathing and burning her skin, her hands... She couldn't do this.

“I can’t..” She muttered, something stinging at the corners of her eyes.

Because hadn't she just told him her heart belonged to someone else? 

And _didn't_ it, after all?

"What—because you’re scared? Or-or ashamed?”

This _stupid_ wall was her shield, wasn't it? So she didn't have to look at him, so she could pretend this never happened, so that she could somehow feel _better_ about herself even if what she felt was real. She hid behind the thick cold concrete so she wouldn't have to admit the truth to him or to herself. And it stung worse than the stab wound he'd gotten today, fuck- it stung worse than _anything_...

“No it’s— Deke I..” she trailed off, and if she was honest she didn't even know what she was going to say in the first place. Deke looked down at his hands- twitching and trembling and somehow felt like he should hide them. Raw, cruel evidence of just how easily he would give in to her, they were, and of just how much he _wanted_ to. If only he could just be someone else for a day.. anyone else..

“Is it because it’s _me_?” he asked then, his voice breaking, 

And she was silent. Deke nodded with a sad chuckle- thick suffocating bitterness taking over his chest and making his throat clench. Of course it was because of _him_. Because no matter what she'd never want him for the person he is, she'd never forgive him for the things that he'd done, and no matter what he'd never be good enough. No matter what he'd never be praised for trying to do the right things or becoming a person of his own, and no matter what he'd never belong. He'd never be part of this little team, this tightly bound family that would never hesitate to leap in front of a bullet for each other- _fuck_ , to leap in front of a _hailstorm_ of bullets just to keep each other safe. He'd never be part of their evening card games in the common room or drunk Scrabble- which Simmons seemed to win either way- and not the warm buzz of chatter and laughter echoing into the night. He'd never be part of her life- or a part of her life she'd actually _want_ , anyway. So he pressed his forehead to the cold wall craving something akin to warmth..  
  


“Why can't you just come over..?” Was all that came out, barely a whisper- so tender and raw only he could could hear it, drowning in the room and sinking into the thick wall separating them. 

And he'd just done it again, hadn't he? Deke, the absolute _mess_ he was, had said the wrong thing at the wrong time, he'd asked her for too much. And he didn't even need to call out to her, to tap on the wall— hell to take it down with his bare hands to know she was gone. She had gotten up and left her room gently shutting the door behind her, maybe hoping he wouldn't hear it, maybe hoping he was foolish enough to keep going- all whimpering and pathetically alone. _Fuck_ \- maybe this was her own way of torture- for selling her to Kasius, for always trying to get her attention, for getting in the way and on everyone's nerves and... He guessed he deserved it. But that didn't stop the ache...

Why didn’t she want him? 

“..D-Daisy…?” one last useless plea into the drowning silence.

Why didn’t anyone?


	2. the aftermath (or the beginning)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to someone who loves death-threats (the joking kind).
> 
> So.. there wasn't originally gonna be a chapter two after last chapter.. Yes. I am *that* cruel and was gonna leave it on a very mean cliffhanger but some.. very.. enthusiastic people... 'kindly' requested a continuation to fix things. 
> 
> So here it is.

_“.._ D-Daisy _..?”_

Came Deke’s last silent plea from the other side of the wall, and Daisy couldn’t stop the tears.

In all the time she’d known him he had never once sounded this broken- voice small and cracking as he spoke, so _hurt_.. Had she really done this to him? Broken him this way..? Because she couldn’t keep her damn eyes away from him in that stupid shower and couldn’t keep her hands away from herself with him invading her thoughts. _God_ she wanted to call out to him, to tap on the wall and tell him it wasn’t his fault, that it wasn’t _him_ but... that would mean she cared. And Daisy didn’t want to care. Because _that_ would mean there’s a part of her that doesn’t completely detest him, a sliver of Daisy Johnson that warms up at the sight of the awkward chattering mess that is Deke Shaw..

Which would mean he was someone else she could lose.

She got up and paced around the room hoping to distract herself, pulled on the first item of clothing she could find and washed her hands and her tear-stained face in the tiny grey sink of her bunk— anything and everything she could to keep her mind away from Deke on the other side of the wall probably resting his forehead against the cold concrete thinking all he was wasn’t good enough, would _never_ be good enough.. Daisy wanted to scream- she felt like her skin was crawling beneath her fingertips, blistering from the inside. And she _hated_ it- that familiar sting embracing her, reminding her of silent beeps in the depths of space, of aliens and Hive, of one last ill-timed goodbye and the selfless vigilante who'd wrecked himself saving the world.. She _hated_ the bitter guilt that bubbled up in the pit of her stomach- scathing her insides, her hands.. But still the hopeless crack in Deke’s voice from behind the wall kept ringing in her ears.. She’d broken him. She’d made Deke Shaw- the human definition of a _puppy_ , always excited and annoyingly blabbing about things that made his eyes light up- crack open and hurt and raw, she’d made him _beg_ her… And then she left. Daisy sank onto her bed, head dropping into her hands to silence out her mind ringing and buzzing and yelling, but all she could hear was the small broken echo..

_“ ..Come over...?_

_Come over, Daisy, please I.._

_...why can’t you just come over..? “_

Because, truly— _why couldn’t she_? 

Why couldn’t she let herself have this, have _him?_ And _so what_ if she was aching inside, _so what_ if it would take her a while to trust again, and _so what_ if deep down she’d never forget the selfless vigilante in the depths of space.. Deke would never ask her to. And truly- all she craved was someone to help her run away from this stupid messed up world for a little, to make her laugh, she craved to be warm and held and _okay_... It’s just that the last thing she wanted was to open herself up, to let herself care for someone again and have them try to play the hero, the reckless martyr, the brave soul... 

But this was _Deke_. 

Deke who would babble on about things of absolutely no relevance to anything for hours without even taking a breath, who couldn’t help but wear his heart on his sleeve. Deke who would get blackout-drunk on 'Zima', gobble up three extra-large cheeseburgers and get arrested for trying to flee some random bar in River’s End. Deke who would hug trees and get stabbed trying to tackle a guy twice his size and sing way too loudly on karaoke nights and do dumb dance moves as he walked down hallways. Deke who would make her smile- despite how much she hated admitting it. And she _really_ hated admitting it.

Because at the end of the day they weren’t that different, were they?

Both broken, both having lost so much they ended up losing themselves, having suffered endlessly at the hands of everyone around them- even the people that they cared for the most, people they _loved_... And this— whatever she’d tried to achieve moments ago, a rush to chase her high, some meaningless crumb pleasure to take away the pain— fell apart and crumbled to the floor..

Because that's not who they were.

They couldn’t forget their past, forget their present, forget who they were to themselves and to each other and forget what it means,. They couldn’t let themselves have this, pretend even for a moment that everything was okay no matter how hard they tried- because it all came creeping back on them. They could never escape their fears, they could never escape their insecurities. They could never escape the people they were and the things they’d done and those who’d suffered as a consequence.

Maybe they just need someone to forgive them for it.

_____________

Deke couldn’t breathe.

She’d really gone, hadn’t she? Left him. Just like that. With no apologies or explanations, no _anything_ at all- as if she hadn’t been moaning his name moments ago with her own fingers buried deep within her pretending she could feel him, as if she hadn’t been thinking of him as she chased her high, as if she hadn’t whimpered a pathetic little “ _please._.” like he could do anything about it—

There was a knock on the door. _Fuck_. In a rush Deke scrambled to shrug on the bathrobe that hung loosely on his shoulders, tying it messily around his waist and shuffled off the bed to open the door, maybe pretend there weren't tears in the corners of his eyes, maybe pretend— But the handle was already turning and the door was sliding open and...

Daisy. 

Daisy was standing in his room wearing a _dinosaur snuggie,_ of all things.

But in some inexplicable, twisted way she looked hauntingly ethereal. Maybe because deep down he felt like he must have imagined her- cold blue light from the hallway caught in her brown waves, breathtaking- all hot cheeks and pink lips. He couldn’t help the shaky inhale in surprise- he must have made this up, this had to be some messed up desperate delusion to rid him of his loneliness..

“..Hey.” She spoke softly shaking him out of his haze, then lifted her hand in a small half-wave. Deke blinked.

And he didn’t even know why but he laughed. 

Deke let out a small, choked off chuckle- despite the lack of humour in his voice, despite the tears on his face, despite the tremble in his hands, despite the bitter ache at his very core. Because Daisy Johnson, Quake, The Destroyer of Worlds in some timeline or universe, the most badass incredible woman he’d ever met looked like a cozy burrito wrap..

“..A dinosaur snuggie?” He asked, voice raspy and quiet, _fuck_ how it hurt to smile. 

“..Funny story actually..” She mumbled gently shutting the door behind her, fidgeting with the fluffy, oversized sleeves, “Simmons gave it to me.” Daisy admitted, hoping desperately to get carried away in the story, to distract herself if even for a moment, cling to crumbs of happiness and memories trying her best to avoid this. _Them_. Whatever mess they were. She took a step closer, “She um.. she thought it would be funny if I wore it to a Halloween party we snuck into at the Academy this one time..” Daisy finally lowered herself onto the bed next to him- slowly, as if debating whether she was allowed to. “And.. I did. I must have looked _so stupid_..” She chuckled, shaking her head at the thought of oversaturated disco lights and sweaty teenagers and tasteless music... 

Deke couldn’t speak. His chest was clenching- a familiar burn seeping through his veins- bitter and raw.. How could she just…? Didn’t she know what she’d done to him? What she’d reduced him to just moments ago? Couldn't she see it in the tears still glimmering fresh in his eyes, couldn’t she tell from his disheveled hair, from his crimson red lip that he’d kept biting it trying so hard to pretend he could touch her, chase his high..? And yet here she was, smiling about dinosaur snuggies and Halloween parties without even saying—

"I’m sorry.” She mumbled quietly, head hung low, then lifted her eyes- raw honesty in her gaze. But Deke wouldn't look at her. “I’m sorry Deke that was.. a dick move on my end.. ”

He was silent for a moment trying to gather his thought, trying desperately to structure and line up the yelling and buzzing and bitter noise in his head but all that came out was a silent mumble,

“I-I thought you left..” he couldn’t even lift his eyes, "I thought you.." he couldn’t even finish, he couldn’t even _anything_ anymore.. Daisy didn’t seem to notice.

“Well I’m here now.” She tugged at the ends of her sleeves, then hesitantly reached out her hand tracing his arm, “If you still want to. We could.. fix things.”

Deke couldn’t help but grit his teeth nodding his head- exasperated and so, _so done_. ‘Fix things'. Of course that's why she was here. How could he even think she wanted this-- _him,_ for more than just to ‘even things out’. Fuck him just to get it out her system. Forget it ever happened. How could he think she wanted him _at all_ and didn't just give in to guilt of leaving him whimpering and pathetically alone.

“Well maybe I don’t want you to ‘fix things’" He finally spoke up, " Like- like its some quid-pro-quo bullcrap, like you _owe_ me something—”

“Deke—”

“What- you think because I might.. have a little crush on you or-or whatever, you can just.. “ He had to stop before any more came out- this was cracking him open, letting words that were buried deep underneath his skin finally creep up to the surface- and Deke was powerless. “ Look I get it. You’re hurting. But Daisy you can’t just.. I don’t want to be that to you.. a- a rush or some pointless one night stand.. ” He wanted to be more. 

Though he was lying.

He would if she asked.

He'd be anything to her- a one night stand, a meaningless high, a co-worker she'd only speak to when she had to, he'd be _nobody_...

“Deke that’s not why I’m here, like, _at all—_ ”

“Then _what_.” He was exhausted- his voice bitter and cold, yet everything inside him felt like it was burning, like she’d drowned his insides in gasoline and set them on fire in one big flaming mess and now brought a glass of water to try quench it a little. “ First you ask me ‘to stay’—whatever that means— and you tell me 'not to think about it' while you're there on the other side practically moaning my name. And _then_ you outright _ignore_ me. So what is it, Daisy, did- did you come here to laugh at me? Because you’ve already made it pretty crystal clear you don’t want anything to do with me anyway, that you don't even want to _look_ at me, that you think I’m not worth it _—_ ”

“ _Don’t._ I never said that and you don’t get to put words in my mouth like that—” 

“Oh? Says the one that _started_ this whole mess—”

“Yeah well maybe you should have just _locked the fucking door!_ ” She spat.

Nothing but heavy breathing filled the still space as their eyes locked, their faces fuming with residue of hurt and bitterness and something new and hot under their skin. All Deke could hear was the pounding of his heart in his ears as his mind suddenly registered Daisy's close proximity- her eyes helplessly darting down to glance at his lips.

Deke swallowed. 

And then her lips were crashing onto his with all the raw want surging through her veins she had failed to soothe, with all the words she was bursting to utter to him but didn't know how to— was too _afraid_ to... Deke couldn’t help the silent moan that escaped him in surprise as she traced his lips with her tongue in some fresh gentleness, Daisy shivered. But it was over as soon as it began and she pulled away leaving them both slightly out of breath. Deke sat there- eyes wide, lips parted- fully and completely dumbfounded.

“That.” Daisy spoke finally, voice a little quiet in some newfound shyness, “That’s why I’m here, Deke.”

He blinked.

“ I.. ” She fidgeted with her sleeves, “You make me smile. A lot. And I hate it. “ Daisy exhaled- finally letting the truth slip off her chest, remembering all the times she had to bite her lip or mock him in some way to keep from grinning, “I hate it so much, Deke, because I spent _months_ running away from everything S.H.I.E.L.D just so I’d have no one left to lose, convincing myself I shouldn’t care or- or.. get close to anyone. Ever.” She shifted uncomfortably, “But you- you’re so… _awkward..”_

Deke snorted, 

“I’m.. sorry is that- is that supposed to be like an apology or..? Because usually they don't involve, y'know, _insulting_ the other person.” he rambled and Daisy's lips curled into a smile..

"You make it easy somehow..." She admitted shaking her head, "To laugh at your dumb quips, to grin at your mindless blabbing, you.. And I have to mock you or say that I hate you because otherwise I'd..." She trailed off, but she didn't need to finish. Deke understood. Because otherwise she'd _like him_. Because otherwise she might care. Daisy Johnson might _care_ about Deke Shaw.. " But.. I don't want that anymore." She finished.

"Then what.. what _do_ you want?" he asked quietly, eyes two hopeful pools of deep blue, and Daisy felt the need to reach out and gently trace his palm with her fingers. Deke inhaled a quiet breath at the contact.

"Us." Daisy stated simply, nothing but honesty in her voice, "I want to.. try." she lifted her eyes, shy for some reason- as if Daisy Jonson could ever be shy in front of Deke Shaw- "But um.. it might take me a while before I—"

"That's okay." Deke reassured way too fast, "I-I mean it's whatever, doesn't really matter how long it takes I'm just.. I'm here for you."

And for the first time this crazy, messed up, beautiful night Daisy gave him a full, genuine smile, "I know."

That's all Deke needed for the tingles to come rushing through his body, for his mind to go blank as it began to fully register the last few sentences of their conversation and what this meant for him—for _them_... His lips to parted in something so akin to wonder. The tenderness and disbelief with which he looked at her then made Daisy want to kiss him just to wipe that stupid look off his face because it was making her cheeks heat up and her stomach flutter.

So she did.

And this time she wasn't holding back.

The future was the future and they could overcome their fears and guilt and insecurities then, but tonight they just wanted to feel wanted, tonight they craved to be set free.. Daisy felt Deke's eyes flutter shut as their lips met, their kisses fearless and deep as Daisy's exploring hands reached up to run her fingertips along his stubble and he weaved his through her curls feeling her lean into his touch. And it was intoxicating- the delicacy of their movements, the sweetness of his taste, the lingering scent of some sort of citrus aftershave on his skin- and Daisy found herself pulling him impossibly closer. She tried to bite back a needy whimper feeling his hands skim over her things as he traced her lips with his tongue in a silent ask for permission, but she was too desperate already from whatever they'd tried to achieve with that wall between them.. And so Daisy gave in to him- raking her fingernails down his neck and over what was bare of his chest, eager to satisfy her hungry mouth and her searching fingertips in this heated haze. Deke groaned against her lips feeling the buzz of the light sting, and she finally tugged loose the knot at his waist letting his bathrobe slip from his shoulders, sliding her hands down his chest and the lines of his stomach. Deke rolled his hips involuntarily craving some sort of contact, growing more and more aware of the painful throbbing between his legs. There was no denying now that both were a desperate mess- worked up from hurt and anger and whatever little pleasure they could evoke prior to this, so tantalisingly far away from each other. Overcome by confidence and pure desire Daisy shrugged off her dinosaur snuggie and tossed it somewhere onto the floor, revealing nothing underneath.

Deke's breath caught in his throat as his eyes traced her figure- from the freshly messy brown waves to the lines of her stomach to the soft of her thighs- and landed on her plump breasts. And _fuck it_ if he was staring, if couldn't turn away— no, fuck _her_ for being so damn breathtaking- for making his skin tingle like this and his breath hitch and his eyes glue themselves to his figure unable to tear away. A taste of his own medicine, Daisy mused with a cheeky smile.

“ _Subtle._ ” she quipped, voice dripping with sarcasm noticing his fixed gaze,

“I.. sorry.” he turned away, cheeks heating up in embarrassment,

“No it’s.. I _want_ you to.”

And Deke lifted his eyes again- questioning, uncertain, so _Deke_. Daisy had to bite her lip to stop from smiling. She'd show him- if he wasn't going to believe it- she'd show him she wanted this, that she trusted him, that he was _enough_... Deke's eyes followed her movements as she reached out her hand to take his and slowly lifted it, placing it on her breast, sighing deeply feeling the heat seep through his palm. Deke shuddered. There was something so fragile about this- a moment of stillness among their pounding hearts, soft touches and lingering gazes- something so intimate and sweet it felt like it didn’t belong. Not between two people so broken, not in this world of war and death and alien threats and long monotonous grey hallways… He leaned into her feeling her breath tickling his lips, touching his forehead against hers for a moment- skin warm and buzzing at the contact. And Deke felt feather-light- there was no other way to put it- something new and wholesome rooting itself into his veins. Somehow he found it hard to comprehend this was the same day, the same universe as that where moments ago he sat calling out to her through the cool wall, where he'd been aching to touch her, aching for her to _let_ him explore her skin and make her fall apart, watch her unravel at his touch..

But now she did.

Now she _wanted_ him to.

Now she was _guiding_ him- her hand warm and comforting still holding his to her breast in some show of trust- now she was _inviting_ him to explore her body, and, quite frankly, it made Deke’s head spin.

Something broke within him- this quiet fragile moment cracked, raw want bursting within him like a dam enveloping his body and his mind. Deke kissed her then- giving it all he had this time, letting his tongue explore the depths of her mouth, no bullshit or pleading or doubting or fear, no holding back. He tugged at her bottom lip in pure want feeling her shudder, trailed soft kisses down her neck- tenderly, taking his time, hoping to make this moment linger endlessly into oblivion...

" _Please_ Deke.." her silent whimper shook him out of his thoughts and he realised there was no time left for lengthy teasing or lingering touches or gentleness- Daisy wanted him now— _needed_ him. And truly.. he'd do anything for her.

Deke guided her to lean back against the pillows as he lowered himself to the foot of the bed leaving wet kisses on her stomach and her thighs. In all honesty this wasn't what Daisy was expecting and half of her desperately wanted to return the favour after the way she'd just ignored him moments before, or just pin him to the bed and fuck him, _damnit—_ but he was so close to where she was aching for him and his breath tickled her sex and she couldn't think straight with the ripple of pleasant tingles running through her very core. Deke didn't waste time- finally leaning in to place slow kisses on her folds like he would her lips- and Daisy wanted to laugh at him. She'd mock him for being such a sap and being so delicate right now, she really would if she could form a sentence with her toes curling in pleasure at his movements, let alone a phrase.. Deke felt invincible. He'd wanted this for so long, wanted her in any way she'd let him have her, and now that she lay writhing beneath him, trails of breathless curse words on her lips... Was it so wrong he wanted to get lost her? - he wondered as he swirled his tongue- an unapologetic moan escaping her as she lifted a hand to tweak a nipple. Was it wrong that he wanted this moment to go on forever, to pull her so close neither could tell who was who anymore? ..And was it wrong he'd never felt more alive? 

“Holy sh...” was all Daisy managed to make out, back arching off the bed “..How are you s-so good at this?”

And maybe Deke would have answered her if he wasn't so busy tracing her clit with the tip of his tongue or caressing her thighs, maybe he would have told her it was because he'd been lonely hanging around the Lighthouse all this time and tried to fill it with meaningless pleasure- starting his company was huge and he surely wasn't lacking lovers- but then he'd have to tell her that no matter the nameless faces and one night stands she was still the only one ever on his mind, and then.. well.. he's pretty sure he might cry.

“Deke if you keep going I’m..” She trailed off with a hiss as she gripped his hair roughly pulling him closer as she lifted her hips craving more contact. And Deke couldn't lie- he was desperate, there was no way he could ignore the painful throbbing in between his legs- but _this_? Feeling her quiver in her very core, shudder against his tongue, grab his hair in pure want- this was another kind of rush. And he could feel her tensing- her moans becoming louder, eyes shut tight as her head fell back, right at the edge, almost there, “.. _F-fuck_ I’m gonna..”

But he wouldn’t let her.

Deke pulled away- not too far but just far enough to make her whine- loud and needy, thrusting her hips off the bed craving his touch, his tongue, _anything_... 

“That” Deke declared proudly as he rose above her, a shit-eating grin on his face looking like the happiest man in the world, “That was for the whole wall fiasco.”

Daisy gasped- half in offence and utter rage, and half in surprise at his boldness. Deke Shaw the scrawny, awkward, adorable idiot who couldn't even tell her he had a crush on her, who wasn't sure he was allowed to _touch_ , her had just _denied her an orgasm_. 

And Daisy was _done_.

So, _so_ fucking done.

“Fuck you.” She almost growled gritting her teeth, breathless and frustrated, and suddenly Deke was being thrust onto the bedsheets as Daisy towered over him, her hand pressed so hard to his chest she was restraining him to the bed. And there was nothing sexier in this world than getting pinned by a pissed-off Daisy Johnson, he concluded grinning from ear to ear, trying hard to suppress a whimper at the back of his throat, but Daisy knew just what she'd done to him. “Fuck you.” she repeated right against his mouth, giving his bottom lip and bite. He was playing with fire- scorching and hot and ethereal, the power under her fingertips was immortal, alien, incredible.. And it gave Deke the most exhilarating rush. Her fingernails now raked along his arms leaving faint marks as she nipped at his neck and his chest, tugged at his collarbone- biting, tugging, claiming... Deke didn’t need to hope- he _knew_ this would leave marks along his silky skin, lavishing red hints of the fierce woman that had made a mess of him. He had to grip the side of the bed not to come just from this, just from her reckless and ruthless and unapologetically taking all she wanted from him. Just from her letting herself explore, setting herself _free_.. She nipped his lower abdomen, a yearning whine escaping his lips as pleasure and pain washed over him in a wave..

“This?” She did it again, “Is this what you wanted?” Daisy asked, a playful smile tugging at her lips despite the scorching fire in her veins, Deke groaned in reply as she continued her way down, finally placing a lingering soft kiss on his length. Deke shuddered gripping the bedsheets. And she took him in- slow and deep, bobbing her head and swirling her tongue, moaning around him as she felt the shivers she’d evoked run through Deke’s body. He was an absolute mess and she revelled in it, revelled in the power she held. But Deke was barely holding on and she’d done enough to him already. 

"Condom?" She asked in a hurry letting him go with a 'pop', but he was already tossing the shiny packet at her, knocking over something on his nightstand in the rush. She tore it open and slid the rubber onto him herself- no delay in her movements as she aligned herself above him. One last glance at him, making sure he was still on board, a quick lock of their eyes with a nod- and then she slowly sank down onto him adjusting to the feeling.

Daisy leaned her head back with a loud gasp feeling him fill her, Deke couldn't even make a sound- his jaw slack, body welcoming the tight warmth of her as his eyes fluttered shut. Daisy had been with many people, and so had Deke. She’d messed around with flames and short flickers when she was just a hacker in a van- all youth and glowing eyes, he'd passed some hours chasing mindless pleasure with countless bodies trying to understand what it meant to be close with someone. But never once had it felt like this. Not for him. Not for her. And maybe it was because this was so new, maybe it was the unknown that gave them both a rush- but neither could help the sparks that lit like embers in their eyes and the playful smiles on her lips. And Daisy would barely last much longer seeing him all writhing and hot beneath her, revelling in her power, in her brazenness, in her _freedom_.. Their movements sped- Deke lifting his hips to meet her with every thrust, running his hands along her thighs as Daisy rolled her hips gasping at the sensation. Deke desperately wished he could tell her how beautiful she looked, he wanted to so bad, but all that came out was another groan as he neared the line between him and oblivious bliss. He looked at her then- his gaze inexplicably warm and full of laughter, as if the weight of long grey corridors and imminent threats, of time travel and aliens and murder was lifted from his chest, as if he was floating. Because that's who they were. They’d set each other free and help each other find themselves again. Though, with much more bickering and witty quips and babbling along the way. But they'd get there. They both knew. One last deep thrust, one last breathless moan...

" _F-fuck._." 

And she was gone.

Pure bliss washing over her senses- embracing her as she seized and tightened around him, every square inch of her skin tingling with sensitivity. And Deke was right behind her- her name tumbling from his lips with a cry as he fell over the edge, eyes shut so hard he could probably see space at the back of his eyelids, everything from his toes to the tips of his fingers coming alive...

Daisy slid off of him, plopping herself breathlessly onto the bed, vision blurry, buzzing in the aftermath as Deke discarded of the condom and lay by her side. She turned to face him, their noses so close they were almost touching, and she swears she was something glimmer in the corners of his eyes but she wouldn't bring it up. Not when they both felt so pleasantly warm and whole and _okay_.. It would take them a long time to get over themselves, over the messed up aches and fears and doubts that had engraved themselves into their fragile hearts, the memories and guilt and people they’d left behind...

This was just a small step forward.

A beginning. 

**Author's Note:**

> :)


End file.
